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--- blog:2022:1224_issues_part_2 [12/24/2022 19:03] – created Alisssandra
+++ blog:2022:1224_issues_part_2 [12/26/2022 00:05] (current) – [Issues part 2] Alisssandra
@@ Line 5: / Line 5: @@
 Luckily I had intermittent people who helped guide such a soul as myself. People who are far in-between during different crucial time periods.
-Yes, I'm writing about my trauma ambiguously. What this doesn't help is progressive action in taking steps to help fix damage created. Which creates a journey I need to embark upon.
+Yes, I'm writing about my trauma ambiguously. What this doesn't help is taking progressive actions to help fix damage created. Creating a journey I need to embark upon.
 I don't have faith in psychological field to truly help, and I need specialized care.
-Since psychological dr.s are not interested in doing there job, and have hidden agendas of their own makes trusting field difficult.
+Since psychological dr.s are not interested in doing there job, and have agendas of their own makes trusting field difficult.
 I hate when psychologists tell me, "I'd make for an interesting case study."
-For all intensive purposes I'm functional, responsible, stable, and dependable.
+For all intensive purposes my core center functional, responsible, stable, and dependable. Fun words...I suffer multiple personalities some I'm aware. Others I am not familiar  makes living a little scary.
+What I do know when Mel cannot handle pressure, anxiety, or high levels of stress I blank out. Another personality kicks into drive, Mel disappears or sleeps. Others personalities kick in they aren't here to hurt or harm. Doesn't happen often noticed more when I worked last job B4 arriving here. They keep me moving and going in a positive direction. Zero harm from another personality.
+I have phased out, lost time, and suffered a bit of amnesia. I'm so quiet most wouldn't know if I'm there or not.
+Mel my logical, analytical, and deducing mind. My outward shell what I show or give to others. The part which has grown, evolved, and matured. A connected thought process to shield Melissa.
+Then I have Melissa....It's easier to say "she's dead" holy fuck just as complex. Easy to describe but complicated. I don't connect to my given name. Stopped going by that name when I was 6 yrs old.
+Mel was essential to save what was left of Melissa. I became my own hero in many respects. What I failed in Melissa was sheltering emotions and kept Melissa from growth.
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