Touchy subjects dealt now I have an opportunity to discuss what I've delayed for years. After 45 years reflecting upon repercussions of cause and effect.

What caused me not to trust, how abuse fucked me over, yes, silence is evil. Silence helps perpetrator get away with murder. By not taking a proactive stance I allowed others to be hurt.

Shame comes with territory not wanting others knowing what I suffered at hands of others. Not wanting to be seen differently, not wanting pity, sorry from people who wouldn't understand. Even worse called a liar.

Not my shame to bare, I had zero control in what happened to me as a toddler and child by my parents, cousin, and uncle. Vile acts for myself caused disassembled disassociation, compartmentalization, add, ADHD, panic, anxiety, paranoia, and ocd.

I don't need diagnosis from a doctor. I live in myself, I know myself better than most know me. I'm more vocal not graphic in smoke shack confessional.