blog:2018:0303_lurking
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blog:2018:0303_lurking [03/03/2018 08:00] – external edit 127.0.0.1 | blog:2018:0303_lurking [10/09/2022 05:16] (current) – Alisssandra | ||
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====== Lurking ====== | ====== Lurking ====== | ||
- | As a small child always felt something lurked in shadows, what I don't know? | + | As a small child always felt something lurked in shadows, what I don't know? I always felt watched daytime, nightime, it didn't matter. At night time things became worse, what does a peaceful night of sleep equate? |
+ | Fuck I don't know.. | ||
- | I always felt watched daytime, nightime, it didn' | + | or I can't remember. I remember a time when I lived on 2 hours of sleep.I was frightened to sleep. Undergoing regimented physical, mental, and emotional abuse severing any tie for lent ability to trust. Early in age I understood such concepts of contradiction, |
- | At night time things became worse, what does a peaceful night of sleep equate? | + | I'm not? I can not make you do anything you do not want to do? |
+ | How am I causing you to beat me? (that sentient) My ass was so beat as a child it's not funny. | ||
- | Fuck I don't know..or I can't remember. | + | I was raised with concepts and ideas to protect my abuser. Making me ask the question?, "What's wrong with me?" |
+ | The stockholm syndrome kicks because I am suppose to love my abusers? Seems to be the message, and how I was suppose to form to how x and y molded me..I never did Programming began early... | ||
- | I remember a time when I lived on 2 hours of sleep. | + | ====== ====== |
- | Because | + | Religion sanctioned abuse, military sanctioned abuse off the books, |
- | Undergoing regimented physical, mental, and emotional abuse severing any tie for | + | Like a fuckin common slave.I found one tracking device, I did not save this but I'm happy to describe. It was a piece of film, white on one side, kodak film with a red strip on top side of film. |
- | lent ability to trust. | + | I'm not saying this was a unique foreign object in my upper forearm. Experiencing harassment while driving, unmarked vehicles, military vehicles, vehicles with military general stars. |
- | Early in age I understood | + | Dont' get me wrong I see cars like this, but not on a daily basis. Followed into places |
- | I never understood x-chromo, "Don' | + | I married a hitman, he fits the descript.. Long story stort, I'm not sure what the real story is, but I was suppose to be head over heels in love with hitman, and when I found out he wasn' |
- | I'm not? | + | I was suppose to hit delta mode, self descruct mode, and kill myself. No one banked on self love I have for myself therefore beating odds stacked |
+ | against me. My survival perplexes teams studying me. | ||
- | I can not make you do anything you do not want to do? | + | How I compare with others family members our stories are similar. considering we were all raised apart. Drug addicts, imprisoned, mental disorders, young parents, seems like a typical pattern. I made different choices, and still failed without going off the deep end. |
- | + | ||
- | How am I causing you to beat me? (that sentient) | + | |
- | + | ||
- | My ass was so beat as a child it's not funny. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I was raised with concepts and ideas to protect my abuser. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Making me ask the question?, " | + | |
- | + | ||
- | The stockholm syndrome kicks because I am suppose to love my abusers? | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Seems to be the message, and how I was suppose to form to how x and y molded | + | |
- | + | ||
- | me.. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I never did | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Programming began early... | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Religion sanctioned abuse, military sanctioned abuse off the books, | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I was sold by my parents!! | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Like a fuckin common slave. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I found one tracking device, I did not save this but I'm happy to describe. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | It was a piece of film, white on one side, kodak film with a red | + | |
- | + | ||
- | strip on top side of film. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I'm not saying this was a unique foreign object in my upper forearm. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Experiencing harassment while driving, unmarked vehicles, military vehicles, | + | |
- | + | ||
- | vehicles with military general stars. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Dont' get me wrong I see cars like this, but not on a daily basis. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Followed into places such as Wal mart, Target, Resturants. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Receiving terrible food when I am with my husband. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | On my own I receive perfect food go figure. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I married a hitman, he fits the descript.. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Long story stort, I'm not sure what the real story is, but | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I was suppose to be head over heels in love with hitman, and when I found out | + | |
- | + | ||
- | he wasn't all that. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I was suppose to hit delta mode, self descruct mode, and kill myself. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | No one banked on self love I have for myself therefore beating odds stacked | + | |
- | + | ||
- | against me. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | My survival perplexes teams studying me. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | How I compare with others family members our stories are similar. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | considering we were all raised apart. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | Drug addicts, imprisoned, mental disorders, young parents, | + | |
- | + | ||
- | seems like a typical pattern. | + | |
- | + | ||
- | I made different choices, and still failed without going off the deep end. | + | |
+ | {{keywords> | ||
blog/2018/0303_lurking.1520064000.txt.gz · Last modified: 03/03/2018 08:00 by 127.0.0.1